How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
