I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So much rum. So many feels.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize