I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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