and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
