Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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