Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
