remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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