problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
