No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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