So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
