He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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