yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
