I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
