Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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