when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
