My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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