I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize