Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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