I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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