he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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