He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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