My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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