I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
