he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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