The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
