Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
