That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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