If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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