There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
