I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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