So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize