Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
