We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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