I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
