You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
