Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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