Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
