is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
