Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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