Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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