First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
