i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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