I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
