No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
3 2 1 whiskey
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
