Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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