So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
