I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
