Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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