no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
