who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize