then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
