Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
