dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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