I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize