Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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