Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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