he shaved USA in his pubs
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
