Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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