Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
