im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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