She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
