Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
