so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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