my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
