so that wasnt chicken after all
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
