Are we in a gay sports bar?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
