May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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