i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
