Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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